LONE CRUSADER

There are limitless possibilities when you achieve self mastery, but getting there can sometimes be a lonely endeavor, and I want to touch on the subject of the letting go phase, which can get pretty rough when experienced on a personal level. No matter how you slice it up intellectually, there is no getting around the letting go phase when practicing deliberate creation, if you are very serious and crystal clear about what you want, you will need to let go of whatever could be ''blocking'' you from your desired reality. There are exceptions of course, and if you've lived a majority of your life with positive thinking and desired experiences, more than likely you would have a limited amount of resistance to let go of, with the possible exception of a few minor areas, so it wouldn't require a great deal of time to allow your intentions to manifest. But in the case of years and years of self loathing, limited beliefs, and battling resistance [yours truly] the transformation you will go through [and I'm not gonna lie] could be one of the most difficult experiences you may ever endure, but make no mistake, it will make you unstoppable when creating the reality you choose. Some call it the spiritual detox stage, or the chemicalization process I've written about so many posts ago, and no one is affected the same way, it varies with everybody and each individual's experience will be different. Looking back on it all, letting go was no pleasurable experience, but it's also safe to say it wasn't a total nightmare, most of the discomfort and extreme anxiety I experienced was happening on the inside, my outer world was basically okay and no serious or dangerous manifestations occurred in my physical reality. There were some serious side-effects physically however, as I spent a great deal of time in isolation, sometimes sitting in dark spaces for hours avoiding bright environments and sunlight. There were periods of laziness/lack of motivation, emotional rollercoasters and apathy, dizziness and short bursts of flu-like symptoms. Some days I was surfing on rainbows, others contemplating suicide, my friends were okay when I was okay, but when I wasn't okay I didn't want to be around them, so I'd isolate/alienate myself from them. I found some relief through exercising, hiking in nature, going out and having some drinks with friends, but I would always end up crawling back into my dark empty void until I felt good again. This went on for a few years and believe me I cannot count how many times I gave up, but my strong desire for more and better put me back in the ring to take another swing, every time I got knocked down something got me back up. Be not discouraged with this post on your journey to self mastery friends, because it's well worth it to course correct, stay on the path, persist and persevere, and manifest your desires. You could come up against the old patterns of thought, just be sure to witness them without judgment, that's part of letting go, your closest friends could resent your new and improved way of thinking, because they may fear losing you or, your success could ''overshadow'' them by making them see themselves in a whole new and undesirable light, which they don't want to see, so they could possibly move out of your life, or stay and follow you by example, their choice! Your energy [vibration] becomes very fragile and sensitive, you dread going to public places, especially if you've suffered from social anxiety in the past, you can't stand positive energy when you feel bad, and you fear negative energy when you feel good, so you'll ''avoid'' interaction with others to ''protect'' your positive energy, hence more isolation to [suppress] the bad feelings. The light at the end of the tunnel however, is when you begin forgiving yourself [a crucial part] of letting go, this is when positive shifts begin to occur as you are finding the path out of the woods and into the meadow so to speak. Where does all of your desires fit in with all of this? your desire for change will grow even more, as will the contrast [resistance] along with it, and it will seem that if you could just manifest your desires in the midst of all this ''inner chaos'' your life would be easier, but it is at this stage when your resistance to your desires will grow, making it almost impossible to allow their manifestation, you still have some letting go to do. You would be right to want better circumstances amidst the overwhelming resistance and contrast, but any intention launched from this state would come from the fearful/lacking mind ''searching'' for a quick fix, resulting in the launching of a delusional desire [solution] that's too much of a leap from where you are now energetically, to where you want to be, resulting in a vibration of lack. As I've written many times, this is a personal journey as it will get very personal and dare I say lonely at times, you'll need much ''alone'' space during this transformational period, so at times you'll feel like you're on your own [you're actually not] with the process but remember what Mike Dooly [from The Secret] said, ''how bad do you want change?''