BLISS DISMISSED

Good morning from a much cooler Phoenix Arizona, it's beginning to feel a little fall-ish here, FINALLY! [sigh of relief] I've just undergone a huge release this past week and there were a few ''freak outs'' during the ordeal, I mean the anxiety was so intense a was on the verge of panic attacks! I'm a big boy though so I toughed it out as best as I could but despite being strong and stubborn, I was no match to facing up to my fears and limited beliefs. Since I've learned about deliberate creation five years ago I've accumulated some interesting delusions about how law of creation REALLY works and they are really beginning to surface, as I am finally coming to the conclusion that I am barely scratching the surface. When we learn of this idea that we can influence our reality and have what we want we get this crazy notion that there is this magical Universe that can bring things into our experience if we just focus long and hard enough, but there is so much more to it than that. After this stressful releasing I just went through I made the decision that I would just jump into alignment and return to my normal blissful state, I kind of figured that since I had went through such a horrible release the next logical step would be to surf the rainbow and all would once again be well. This worked for a few hours as I was catching the big wave of blissful alignment until a distressing IRS bill came in the mail, ''oh well'' I said, ''I'm still okay'' not long after a surprise return from an unwanted person, now I'm annoyed as the bliss began to slowly dissolve into apathy and eventually not giving a damn at all! Why can't I maintain my bliss? Haven't I gone through enough with this nasty releasing phase? These were questions I asked myself over and over again, after all, I've developed QUITE the ability to go from ''BLAH'' to ''WOO HOO'' in no time, and I can do this easily at will, at will? hmm, I'm beginning to see something here, could it be that I'm maybe trying a LITTLE bit too hard to be blissful all the time? Am I a bliss-addict? Have I developed a dependency on bliss? One thing is for sure, this blissful high has serious side-effects and the comedown is real nasty! Before my knowledge of the law of creation/attraction, my life was pretty simple, and even though I felt like crap a majority of the time, I accepted it and I can safely say not many REALLY bad things happened, they just seemed bad due to my overall negative attitude, other than that I would just take the wrong actions and produce poor and unwanted results. I won't lie, but sometimes I regret learning about all this L.O.A. stuff, this is because it can go from uncomfortable to just downright painful when you're releasing all the ''crap'' that's inside of you but I'm learning something very valuable here, anything worth having or keeping in your life is worth the work you'll be doing, no matter how uncomfortable or intense it may get. Here's another surprising factor, just when you're sure that you've released everything and you're surfing your rainbow of bliss, you may ride that wave for some time, then out of the blue you'll wipe out and it could be a small incident that triggers the wipe out, now you have contrast so with all of this unwanted, you decide what's wanted instead, that's fine and dandy but wait, you have past issues with what is wanted so now you must clean that up too, and once again another layer must be peeled away so you can feel better again, thus continues what seems like an endless cycle of cleaning up your resistance to what you want. You want, you clean, you want, you clean, until finally the end result, but there is no end result, hate to break it to you good people, but we can never get this done. I never realized the scope of the garbage that was inside of me until now, this release in the past week has been the most intense and worse by far, it took everything I had to summon the strength and courage to ride it out without collapsing into despair and giving up on everything. I was at a crossroad on this one, I had to literally fight for everything I had and wanted to have in my life, there were times when I'd have to face myself in the mirror and tell myself ''NO!, THIS IS WHAT I WANT AND THIS IS HOW IT'S GOING TO BE!'' this went on for a whole week, a rollercoaster of fearful thinking while trying to cling onto better feeling thoughts/self talk while facing myself in the mirror. I am very stubborn by nature, when I decide something I WILL not give up or give in, I stand by what I believe in, and I'll face myself in the mirror to remind my bigger self what it is that I REALLY want. My perception now is this, as much as I'd like to just laugh everything off and live my life in a carefree, Marry Poppins type of blissful state, clearing ugly resistance is no laughing matter, and no matter how hard you try, you just can't shake it off and say ''oh well'' and go on your merry way. The light at the end of the tunnel however is this, you get to decide, you get to decide what you want and how you want it, yes, I said how, but the hang up on the how is our resistance and if there were no resistance at all, the how would go according to our own choosing. Life is a constant growth, through the contrast comes desire, with desire requires alignment, and on and on we go, I guess the whole point of this crazy existence, is to continually dissolve resistance, and as long as there is desire, and there always will be, there's no choice but to align to it, which means even more resistance to dissolve and somewhere between all of this we're supposed to be happy or at least try to be. Okay I get it, as frustrating as it all can be, but there is one thing that brings much needed relief to all of this and that's the knowing that ''life doesn't have to happen TO us because it's always happening FOR us.